Reasons you might notice your self‑criticism or difficult memories becoming louder again and three ways to respond
Clients often ask why painful memories, strong gut feelings, or self‑critical thoughts have suddenly resurfaced after being quiet for years. I hear the frustration in their voices. It doesn’t seem logical, and it can feel disappointing or worrying. You might wonder what it means, or whether you’re “going backwards”.
When we pause together and look gently at what’s been happening, we often notice a cluster of stressors that have built up over time. Perhaps a parent has become unwell. Keeping on top of work demands feels unrelenting. One of your children needs extra support at school. You or your partner might be experiencing hormonal changes.
None of these pressures alone explains the shift, but the gradual accumulation of strain, week by week and month by month, can leave anyone feeling depleted.
And when we’re depleted, our minds and bodies can become more sensitive. Old memories, self‑criticism, or familiar worries can slip back in. It’s not a sign of failure; it’s a sign that you’ve been carrying a lot.
Compassion Focused Therapy offers helpful ways of responding to these moments. Rather than getting stuck in “Why now?” or slipping into “I shouldn’t be feeling this” or “I’m being ridiculous”, CFT encourages us to meet our minds with kindness. Often these reactions echo earlier experiences where support wasn’t available, and self‑criticism became a way of coping
Here are three gentle steps you might try:
1. Be curious about what shows up
See if you can notice your thoughts and feelings without getting pulled into them. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) exercises such as leaves on a stream can be useful. If it helps, jot down what you’re noticing, not to analyse it, but simply to observe with compassion.
2. Respond to yourself with warmth
Try speaking to yourself as you would to a friend who is having a tough time. Many people find this surprisingly powerful. A kind tone can soften the intensity of self‑criticism and help you feel more grounded. Identify small ways in which you can give your mind and body some of the self-soothing it needs. This might mean allowing time for rest or moving more.
3. Consider whether it might be time for extra support
If these experiences continue, it may be worth investing in your emotional wellbeing. Your local NHS Talking Therapies service is a good place to start. If you’re considering private therapy, look for a practitioner who is appropriately registered, for example with HCPC, BABCP, or UKCP.